Scene 5

[Simon exits the door of the mall, walking to his car, as "The Ocean" from Mae fades into the background. He walks out across a large mall parking lot, the air full of squeaking brakes, screeching kids, giddy teen girls, and random outdoor crowd noise. He makes his way to his parked Prius and lets himself in the car. He lets out a deep breath and pushes the Start Button. "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division slowly leaks its way out of his car stereo.]

Simon: [Obviously speaking to himself] I really don't know why I let myself get so worked up about things like that. It's her life, her heart, and her own business. Is it really my place to tell her what to do? Maybe. Maybe not. Such is the problem with friendship -- you're never quite sure when to say anything, why you should be interfering in your friend's decisions, and what you should actually say.

{Simon puts the car in reverse, backs out of his spot, throws the car into drive, and makes his way out of the parking lot. He brakes to let traffic pass and then turns right.]

Simon: There are two levels of friends, in my opinion, and I'm not counting acquaintances. There are the friends you spend lots of time with and like spending that time with, but when push comes to shove, you don't look to them for advice. It's not because they don't have good things to say, but you both don't resonate on the deepest levels. And that's OK. You still like being with them.

[Simon flips on his left blinker, brings the car to a stop at a stop sign, and then turns left. He takes a quick right and hops onto the freeway access road.]

Simon: Granted, there are many of these Level 1 friends who become Level 2 friends, mostly because you spend so much quality time together that you can't help but draw them close to you emotionally and relationally. And then there are those Level 1 friends that just stay there. They're great people, but that's about it. Good people....

[Simon looks left, slaps on his left blinker, and merges smoothly into south-bound traffic, pulling into Lane 3 of 5. "Thirty-three" from the Smashing Pumpkins begins playing.]

Simon: Thus, I can't decide what kind of friend I am in Tessa's life. Am I enough of a friend to talk to her seriously about this asshole of a boyfriend she's staying with? Granted, I shouldn't call him an asshole to her face, but the sentiment is still the same. She's wasting her time and her heart on a guy who runs around on her. I can't believe she keeps forgiving him all the time! (mumbles in frustration)

[Cell phone rings, barely audibly, since the stereo is so loud. Simon picks up the phone and presses a button to answer it.]

Simon: Hey there Jackie.

[Silence]

Simon: WHAT??? What are you talking about?

[Loud muffles from Jackie's end of the phone]

Simon: You're kidding me. Is that what Leo's doing tonight? Why would he even TELL you those plans? I feel embarassed for all men everywhere. But I do appreciate knowing though -- he'll get an earful of flak from me. Talk to you later dear.

{Muffles from Jackie and Simon hangs up the phone]

Simon: And to top it off, guys like Tessa's boyfriend make things harder for guys like me. Or even for guys like Leo! How are we to compete with guys who keep women so tantalized and intrigued? Maybe I shouldn't even be worrying about competing.... I shouldn't worry, but easier said than done most of the time....

[Cell phone rings again, same scenario as last time]

Simon: Hey there Leo. How are you?

{Noise on Leo's end]

Simon: Glad to hear you're doing well, but I'll have to pass on that invitation. I do appreciate it though. Talk to you later.

{Simon presses a button to end the call]

Simon: You see there! A great-looking guy, intelligent, funny, personable -- cut down in the prime of his dating life. Dateless on a Firday night. Granted, I'm dateless tonight as well, but you won't catch ME at home watching movies. I'll go OUT to watch movies. Just a bit better....

{Drives silently for a minute or so, as "Two O'Clock Your Time" from Ace Troubleshooter plays. Simon hums along a bit.]

Simon: It seems that guys perpetually have difficulty figuring out how to talk to women. Oh, I'm not naive enough to think we'll ever understand or figure out women. That's not happening ANY time soon. But what makes things so hard when it comes to just talking to them. And I know that I'm not broaching any new conversational material here. It's just still such a reality that guys deal with often. But I'm gonna shut up now. I'm going to tire myself out babbling on like this.

[Simon falls into silence again, as "I Want the One I Can't Have" by The Smiths begins to croon over the stereo.]

Simon: Ahhhh.... Morrissey....

[Silence again as Simon looks over his right shoulder and rearview mirror, pulling into the far right lane and off the freeway. He pulls up to a stoplight and moves into the right hand turn lane. He turns onto a mildly-lit side street, stays in the right--hand lane for 4 blocks & 2 stoplights that he catches green. A sign reading "Southern's" comes into view as Simon pulls into the parking lot for the restaurant. He parks swiftly, turns off his Prius, opens his door, gets out, and closes/locks the car doors.]

Simon: [walking towards the door] Now, the food this place fixes isn't really good for you: too much grease and great quantities of fried foods. But I love the ambience and my friends love hanging out here. So here I am, yet again.

[Simon opens the door, revealing Audra, Jackie, Tina, and Jon waiting for him inside]

Simon: Good evening all.

All four friends at once: SIMON!!

[The server walks up to the waiting group and seats them amidst a sea of moderately loud restaurant patrons. Simon greets and shakes hands with many members of the waitstaff as the group takes their seat, accompanied by the music of "Torches Together" by mewithoutYou.]

[Scene fades out as they're seated.]